JoJo’s Place

Feelings

After an earthquake, you can feel all sorts of different things. You may feel sad, worried and even a little scared. But sometimes good things happen too after an earthquake. Every one pitches in to make things better, and maybe you get lots of hugs from your whānau. If you want to talk to someone about how you are feeling at the moment, see the help section.

Click on the feelings below that are the ones you are going through

• Sad
• Gloomy
• Depressed
• Miserable
• Distressing
• Heartbroken
• Happy
• Smiling
• Frightened
• Joyful
• Lucky
• Pleased
• Cheerful
• Angry
• Annoyed
• Fuming
• Irritated
• Excited
• Calm
• Relaxed
• Thrilled
• Scared
• Terrified
• Nervous
• Worried
• Embarrassed
• Pain

It is important to remember that ‘unhappy’ feelings like being sad and down are OK and normal reactions. You don’t have to be afraid of these feelings. We all need to go through the ‘unhappy’ feelings to understand what the ‘nice’ feelings are. We just need to be careful that we don’t let these ‘unhappy’ feelings take over.

Reactions

So you might be feeling a bit weird. And you also might be acting differently to normal. Look at the list below. Some of these reactions might be what you are going through.

• Hard to sleep
• Moody
• Headaches
• Tired
• Exhausted
• Not wanting to go to school
• Can’t concentrate
• Crying a lot
• Stomach hurts
• Don’t want to eat

Problem solving

Problems are part of life. They happen when we fight with our friends, when we have too much homework or when you can’t get something off your mind. Things can become a problem when we don’t have good ways to handle them.

Sometimes problems seem so huge that you want to avoid them and pretend that they’re not happening. But when we do this the problem can build up and get bigger and bigger. This makes it harder to fix. One way you can stop a problem getting too big is by ‘Problem Solving’.

Problem solving has 5 simple steps, which you can remember with the letters S T E P S.

Say what the problem is. What is the problem I am trying to solve?

Think of all the ways that you could solve this problem, no matter how way out or crazy they are.

Examine all the good things and bad things about each answer you have come up with. What are the best answers to your problem? List them from best to worst.

Pick the answer that you think is best.

See what happens. Think about what went well and what you could do differently next time. REMEMBER if things don’t turn out well you can always look back and pick another answer!

Let’s try one together.

Say what the problem is

A kid at your school has stolen your lunch money and you need your lunch as you are starving.

Think of all the different answers:

• Tell the teacher
• Steal lunch money from some other kid
• Talk to the kid about it
• See if you can borrow some money from a friend to buy lunch
• Do nothing
• Start a fight with the kid who stole your money
• Tell a friend about it and see what they think
• Ask the tuckshop lady whether she can give you some food and you will pay her back tomorrow

Examine all the good and bad things about each answer:

Best to Worst Answers:

1. Tell a friend about it and see what they think
2. Talk to the kid about it
3. Ask the tuckshop lady if she can give you some food and you will pay her back tomorrow
4. See if you can borrow some money off a friend to buy lunch
5. Tell the teacher
6. Do nothing
7. Start a fight with the kid
8. Steal lunch money off another kid

REMEMBER: This is just one way. What order would you put them in?

Pick the answer that you think is best

When you talk to your best friend, they come up with the idea that you can borrow some money off them and then ask the tuckshop lady for the rest.

See what happens

The tuckshop lady was really cool about it and was able to lend you a little bit of cash to get some lunch. The tuckshop lady also said that you should tell a teacher about the stolen money.

Everyone has problems, especially after an earthquake. Can you try solving some of these problems using these steps?

Reaching out

We talk to people all the time. When we are sad, angry, scared, happy or excited we tell people how we feel. We also tell them what is going on in our lives. Talking to someone about how you are feeling can be a good way to sort out problems. It’s also just a way to get things off your chest.

When was the last time you sat down and talked to someone about the earthquake? Who did you talk to? What was it like?

Sometimes it can be hard to find someone to talk to when you are upset, scared or confused. But that doesn’t mean you are all alone. You always have you!

You might not know it but you’ve got lots of ways to help you get through tough times and feel better.

Here is a list of some things that you can do by yourself when life gets too much.

• read a book
• listen to music
• watch a favourite movie
• play sport: basketball, kick a ball, play hand ball against a wall
• drawing, painting or working on a project
• write a blog post (just for yourself) or a poem about how you are feeling
• imagine you are in your favourite place (e.g. at the beach, at your friend’s place)
• have a bath
• paint your nails
• chat online to friends
• check your favourite internet sites

What other things can you think of?

Good things about me

Sometimes when things go bad or we feel really down we forget about all the good things about us.

Below is a list of good things about people. Put a star beside all the good things about you.

• I like to listen to music
• I can play a musical instrument or sing
• I am a good friend
• I love sport
• I’ve heaps of energy
• I can figure lots of things out
• I work hard at school
• I get along with the other kids in class
• I have an adult who cares about me
• I can act or dance
• I like to help people
• I am good at art or drawing
• I can be a leader
• Other people don’t get on my nerves much
• I enjoy school
• I get over hard things easily
• I’m always learning about new things
• I like meeting new people
• I make people laugh
• I am a good listener
• I am honest and can be trusted
• I stand up for my friends

Finding it hard? Think about what your friends would say about you. Would they say you are a good friend? Would they say that you make them laugh? What else should be on the list?

How my life has changed

Lots of things may have changed in your life after the earthquake.

Some things that are different now might be …

• My house
• My classroom
• My marae
• My church or temple
• The way I get to school or other places
• Mum or Dad or other people that I care about are not around now
• Mum or Dad don’t go to work anymore
• Mum, Dad or other people I care about get upset more than before
• The way lots of places around Christchurch look now

OR ????

What other things have changed in your life since the earthquake?

It is totally normal to feel sad, lonely, angry, helpless, worried, guilty or scared about all the things that are different now. And it’s important to remember that nothing that you have done has made these changes happen.

Thinking through the changes helps us to get used to them. It might still feel really tough at the moment, though. Sometimes it can help to talk to your best friend or someone else that you are close to about how your life has changed. It can also help to talk about how you feel about the things that have changed.

Finding this hard?

If you find it hard to talk about these things, try writing a letter or even a blog post (just to yourself). One really helpful way to do this is to break up what you are writing into three parts.

1. Part 1 could be about all the good and bad things and the people in your life before the earthquake.
2. In Part 2, you could write about all the good and bad things and the people in your life after the earthquake.
3. In Part 3, you could put this all together and write about what has changed and what has stayed the same.

What you are writing can be as short or as long as you want it to be. You should write about the things that YOU want to write about.

Things I have learned

Hard things happen to everyone. But hard things are what make the good times so good. Can you imagine if nothing ever went wrong in our lives? Well, maybe it sounds good but getting through hard stuff is what makes us learn and get stronger. Next time a problem happens we will have had some practice in how to get through it.

So you’ve been in an earthquake. What did you learn about from this experience?

Maybe you learned that being in an earthquake is really scary!

OR you never knew how tough and strong you could be when going through something scary like an earthquake.

OR maybe you learned that lots of people care about you and will help you out when you are going through a rough time.

OR that you really miss your mum, dad or other people you care about when they are not around.

OR you learned that if you could get through something as scary as an earthquake you can get through anything.

OR that it’s not much fun having to go to the toilet in a portaloo.

OR when you get upset next time you can talk to your best friend about it as they really helped.

OR the best thing to do when you get upset is to have a good laugh with a friend about something silly.

OR the rest of New Zealand and the rest of the world thinks that Christchurch and the people here are really special.

OR ????

Have a think about what you have learned from being in the earthquake.

Which of these things might come in handy next time you have a problem?

Heroes

We all have people in our lives who are heroes to us. Who is your hero? Your mum, dad, grandparent, brother, sister, friend, teacher, sport star, singer, actor????

What is it about them that makes them your hero? Are they …

• Honest
• Brave
• Trustworthy
• Funny
• Smart
• Confident
• Truthful
• Creative
• Helpful

When your hero had to go through hard times, what qualities do you think they had to use?

Pick one thing that you admire about your hero. Think about how you can be like that, so you can be your own hero.

If you have little brothers or sisters or other younger members of your whānau, keep in mind that you might be their hero. What are some ways that you can help them get through this tough time? Read them a story? Go through this website with them? Or????

Talking to myself

We have thoughts running through our heads all the time. Sometimes they can say good things like “I have done it, I did a good job”. But other times we have bad thoughts like “I can’t do this, I am such an idiot”. These bad thoughts can make you feel sad and really down.

The things you say to yourself do not have to make you feel worse. They can help you feel better. It might be easier to get through tough times if you think of good things to say to yourself. These good thoughts might be “I can do it” or “I can get through this”.

Here are some examples of good thoughts that you can use:

When upset or worried about something:

• “I have been through this before, I can do it again”
• “I can always talk to …”
• “It will be over soon”
• “Just relax”
• “I can get through this”
• “I am going to be alright”

When you have been through something scary or depressing:

• “I did it, I got through it”
• “Next time I will know what to do”
• “Problems don’t have to get me down”
• “Next time I don’t have to worry so much”

What other thoughts help to you feel better?

Where can you go for help?

If you need to talk to someone about what is happening and you don’t really want to talk to your parents, there are other people out there who can help.

• What's Up helpline for 5–18 year-olds: 0800 942 8787 (freecall)
• Kids Help Line: 0800 54 37 54 (freecall)
• Youthline: 0800 376 633 (freecall); Text 234 (freetext)
• Someone else that you trust in your whānau
• Your teacher or School Counsellor
• Your family Doctor

About this site

This site was adapted from a website developed by Dr Catherine Cox and Professor Justin Kenardy at the Centre of National Research on Disability and Rehabilitation Medicine (CONROD) .

The adaptation was undertaken in conjunction with Dr Cox and Professor Kenardy by the following collaboration of New Zealand academics and health professionals with an interest in child and adolescent health:

Christchurch: Dr Stephanie Moor (University of Otago, Christchurch), Dr Matt Eggleston (University of Otago, Christchurch), Dr Te Pora Ehau (Te Korowai Atawhai, Maori Mental Health Services), Dr Sue Bagshaw (Director of the Collaborative for Research and Training in Youth Health and Development) and Mr Philip Siataga (Community Action on Youth and Drugs).

University of Auckland: Dr Suneela Mehta, Professor Shanthi Ameratunga, Dr Sue Crengle, Associate Professor Sally Merry, and Dr Karolina Stasiak.

For information about this website, please email suneela.mehta@auckland.ac.nz.

© University of Queensland, 2011. Unless otherwise indicated, copyright in the content of this website is the property of the University of Queensland. The content may not be copied or otherwise reproduced in part or in whole without the expressed written permission of the University of Queensland, contact CONROD, ph: +61 7 3365 5560.